Communication

Every couple has different ways of communicating and solving problems within their relationships. Some couples can laugh about everything together and come to conclusions informally. Some couples have to set aside a time to and sit down to talk about things that are going on and problems that need to be solved seriously. For this blog post I decided to interview a couple who I’ve grown up watching my whole life. I admire their relationship and how they discuss problems. I have patterned much of how I want to come to conclusions and discuss problems on the example they have set for me and many others.

From an outside view this is what I have gathered about their relationship and how they communicate with each other. They are very fun loving try their hardest to always get along. I have never seen them raise their voices in anger at each other. I have never seen them say hurtful sarcastic things to each other even when there may be a perfect opportunity to make others laugh by doing so. If they do happen to hit a nerve they discuss and solve the problem right there, by gently explaining that something they said made them feel embarrassed or unhappy. Obviously, no couple is perfect and there are always areas that every couple can improve on when it comes to communication and problem solving.

I asked this couple a series of questions, including the following;

1.    What has been the desired outcome when you make decisions? (example, what will make you the happiest, what makes the most sense, etc…)

2.    Does the desired outcome of your decisions vary depending on the question?

3.    How do you make extremely important decisions? Can you provide an example?

4.    Do you include anyone else when making your decisions? Children, parents, the Lord, etc…

5.    When problems arise what do you find is the best way for you to solve them?

I asked the wife these questions first and she responded like so;

1.    “We make decisions based on what makes the most economical sense.”

2.    “Definitely, we do not always base our decisions on what is most economical, there are somethings in life where the price tag doesn’t matter.”

3.    “For example, when deciding if we should move or not we discuss formally and pray about it and make a pro and con list as part of the discussion.”

4.    “Yes, we are very open to all input from any source whether it be children parents, and especially the Lord.”

5.    “For me, when there is a problem, I need to solve I ask for help from anybody that can help, family, friends, etc…”

Next, I asked the husband these same questions;

1.    “When making decisions I make them based on what makes the most sense, which usually brings about the most happiness anyway. For example, buying a house, you can definitely go with the smaller option to keep our payment low, but we also wanted to make sure we would be happy at the same time.” 

2.    “Yes, it varies because there is some common sense involved, for example if we would’ve gone with the most expensive and biggest house, our overall happiness would decrease as we would have to work much more to pay off said house.”

3.    “I will study it out, find the best options and come to a conclusion. Then I will usually discuss my plans with my wife and she confirms what I’ve studied out, and then we usually wait another month to make sure it isn’t a spur of the moment decision.”

4.    “When making our decisions we do include most of those around us, for example when I lost my job in Utah, I had the opportunity to keep my job in another location. Not only did we include the Lord in prayer, we also consulted with our family, parents and children. To see how they felt about the decisions that were at our feet.

5.    “When problems arise, I usually consult someone else who has experiences with the same problems, or have been through them before, and get their opinion of how they handled it.”

Now, I interviewed them together, using the same questions;

1.    “We include each other in our decisions and we almost always desire the same outcomes. We usually always start out with makes the most economical sense, and then work our way up to what makes the most sense overall.”

2.    “As we answered before, the desired outcome most definitely depends on the problem being solved.”

3.    “We communicate with each other, we talk about it see what the other persons feelings and thoughts are and take a long time to ponder. We go back and forth between conclusions until we settle on the one that will be the best.”

4.    “As a couple we most definitely include others, we talk to both sets of our parents who have life experience making sure that they don’t use bias. We ask other family members such as sisters and brothers what their thoughts are and then check and see if that works for us.”

5.    “We never yell, we may get frustrated with each other, but we have found that the best way to solve problems is to sit down and talk to each other about it and express all of our feelings to each other… would you rather be right, or would you rather be married?”

I am grateful for the opportunity to spend time with my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and parents to take in the good and see where there could be improvement in my future marriage.