Contact & Contribution

When children don’t receive the physical contact and affection they need, it usually starts to reflect in their behavior. As a parent, if you can help kids get their needs met, then they're behavior will not be as much of a problem. A wise experienced parent once told a story of a child who was not getting his physical needs met and it resulted in undesirable behavior. The boy was born to good parents who were very shy. They had 6 kids who all seemed to be a little rambunctious for kids that had been raised by. Soft-spoken parents. As this couple had another baby, it became harder to give all of their other children the attention they need. The children started to act out more and more to the point where most people did not want to be around them. This experienced parent who relayed this story to me told it a bit like this. “I would visit their family once a week and this child ‘john’ would cling to me jump on me and get up in my face as close as he could. One But he was not only like this with me, he was like this with everyone he came in contact with. One Sunday it finally escalated. As I was walking into church while ushering my own family in out of nowhere 11-year-old John came flying through the air to land on top of my head. When he landed there, he did not hold still, he flailed his arms and legs like crazy. I had finally had enough, I grabbed him from the top of my head yelling ‘John cut it out’ and threw him to the ground. After he hit the ground he quickly ran off. After the first hour of church I found John to apologize for what I’d done, but I wanted to try something. As I went up to him, I apologized all while shaking his hand vigorously the whole time, patting him on the back and making direct eye contact. I did this every day that I got to see john. After a while he seemed calmer, more collected and overall better behaved. Eventually his mother came to me which I assumed would be a confrontation about throwing her child to the floor, but she actually thanked me. John was being much better at home and just a joy to be around. He had stopped being in people’s faces as much and more people liked to be around him.”

In conclusion, in ‘Johns’ case, and in other children’s cases, they need physical attention. Give them a sense of belonging and comfort in your family, give them the attention they need so that they do not act out to receive it or search for it somewhere else. Many parents do not see that their teenagers need just as much physical affection as their younger children and stop providing it. This is when teenager turn to other form of physical contact like sex from their peers. People need contact, if they get it legitimately then they won’t try to get it illegitimately.

Parents also need to strive to make their children feel like a contributing part of the family. It may seem inconvenient to you or your child to have them do a task you can do better or quicker, but it is beneficial for both you and your children in the long run. Teaching your children how to contribute and help will be a skill that will benefit them throughout their lives. An example of this: when my college professor was, he himself in college he once had a room mate who was extremely messy and didn’t do any of his cleaning chores. Each of the roommates along with my professor talked to the messy roommate about it to little avail. Likely to add to their frustrations, the messy roommate returned home each weekend to his family. Eventually the complaining about the messy roommates cleaning habits began to wear away to him, he finally told his mother of what his roommates were saying to and about him. She then showed up the following Monday morning, 7 A.M., prepared to clean up his mess herself. 

This is why it is beneficial to teach your children how to take care of themselves and contribute in daily family tasks. It is an essential skill for them, and for their future families and all those they will come into contact with. 

Parenting is divine. It should be the exact thing we should be thriving to do. It is much more important than doing something for someone else or for money. We are failing if we make parenting something we only do with our leftover time. Heavenly Father puts all of his time into parenting us, if we want to be like him then we must change how we view parenting.